Are My Expectations Too High?

Are my expectations of life too high?

I ask this question after the challenges of the several past weeks. When you have a baby you go from me to Mommy, and from husband and wife to Mom and Dad. There is a balance and tempo that must be found in the dance called life.

I don’t want to air my dirty laundry on the internet because it’s really no one’s business but then there is the fact that people don’t talk about this part of having a baby.

After having a very disappointing birthday followed by a very disappointing week and then more disappointment this weekend I found myself standing on the edge of life and depression. It feels like I have been white knuckling this edge for a while now. PPD  is a serious thing and something I do not take lightly. I’ve suffered from severe depression before and it is not something that I want to go through again.

I’ve spent a lot of time crying the past week but I’ve forced myself to smile and laugh because it’s not Adam’s fault I feel this way. It’s my fault and Brian’s fault for failing to communicate and not working hard enough to find that balance and tempo in this dance.

I think I need to re-evaluate what I expect from life, which is hard for me because I don’t think my expectations are that high.

I don’t regret having Adam and I love Brian very much. I’m not depressed right now granted I’m not motivated to do much of anything except sitting on the couch. I can’t wait for the snow to go away so I can get outside an soak up the sun.

In the meantime sitting on the couch watching movies cuddling Adam doesn’t sound like a bad way to wait out the rest of winter.

One thought on “Are My Expectations Too High?

  1. (((hugs))) – and these feelings are totally normal! I’m sure it takes many months to figure out the new roles.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s